The Best Christmas Ever!

"This is the best Christmas ever!"  This has been the recurring proclamation from our 11year old for the past three days.  Over and over again she runs up to give us a big hug and then looks up at us with the most heartfelt smile and tells us again how this has been then best Christmas EVER!   Oh how I love that girl and how I love her heart!  While still embraced in her hug & looking down into her sincere eyes, I think back over the 24th & 25th and all the days leading up to them and my heart just overflows.
Months prior to Christmas day, Jim and I shared a burden to tweak our usual Christmas celebration this year.  Being in the middle of adopting a daughter in China, we felt we didn't want to celebrate Christmas without being able to somehow include our China daughter, even though she is not yet here with us, but even more, we did not feel peace about spending money on each other while Ella-Mae waited in China for us to work toward saving enough to bring her home (--Despite the fact that we are working as quickly as possible).  Also, we really felt burdened to be sure to focus our attention on the reason why we celebrate Christmas in the first place.
We talked about completely foregoing gift giving to each other this year as there really wasn't anything any of us "needed,"  but after more thought, we were reminded that EmmaMae had gotten her first real job this past summer and had worked hard to save her money to be able to purchase her own "real" gifts this year. She was so excited and we did not want to take from her the joy of hard work and giving.  So after a lot of prayer, toward the end of October our family sat down together, and Jim and I shared our burden.  Our family talked over everything and, as a family, made the decision that this year for Christmas we would like to do two things different.  First, we were going to limit gift-giving to right around $10 or less and secondly we were going to hold a Family Christmas Program this year.  We have a savings fund which is set aside soley for Christmas that we add to each month , so while we do not usually go crazy buying gifts on Christmas, we do usually allow a little more liberty with our spending than $10.  We wanted everyone to still be able to give from the heart, not to encourage buying something just to give "something," so we weren't quite sure how this would work, but we trusted God would work it out however He saw fit.  Spending $40 or less total for Christmas this year though, would allow us to give the remainder of the fund to Ella-Mae for her adoption.  It certainly would not amount to the $40,000+  total it will cost to bring her home to her family, but it would allow us to include her in our Christmas and we know God makes every little bit count.  The second change this year, the  Family Christmas Program would be on Christmas Eve after our church's candle light service.  This was actually something inspired from Christmas Eve get-togethers when I was little at my Grandmother's house.  Aunts, Uncles and cousins would all gather for a meal at Grandma's house.  Afterward we'd sing songs, read poems etc.  Anyone who wanted to would share something and then we'd exchange gifts.  I remember as a young girl, practicing songs with my Grandma to sing that special night.  It was always a time that brought joy to my heart and a time I felt really helped to focus attention to the ONE whom Christmas is all about.  That tradition stopped after my Grandma passed away when I was only 9yo, but I never forgot it.  Knowing there are only 4 in our family, we knew likely it was going to be a very short program, but we figured it had to begin somewhere and hopefully it will grow as our family grows.  Each person in our family would choose something to share during the program, whether it be a poem, story, song etc. to focus our hearts and minds on God's gift to us and to thank Him for the gift of His Son.  (This tweak we are planning to become a new family tradition for every Christmas.)
The rest of October sped by, as well as Nov. with the celebration of Thanksgiving.  We sped through the first couple weeks of December too as we put together an online Holiday Auction as a fund raiser for Ella-Mae's adoption.  Then came the realization that Christmas was only a couple of weeks away.  The next couple weeks were filled with Daddy-Daughter dates to Christmas shop for mom and Mommy-Daughter dates to shop for Dad. Mommy-Grandma dates to shop for Emm and Mom & Dad dates just because (& to shop for kiddo).  Emma Mae had picked out what she wanted to give Grandma this summer and shopping for Grandma was just as easy for Jim and I.  We all kept an eye open for sales and cut coupons and I watched as God blessed our $10 per person and excitement grew about what we were going to be able to give.  I believe with all my heart if we'd have had a million dollars each to spend I don't think we'd have done anything differently!  God led us to just the perfect gifts for each other!  During those weeks I also began to hear singing from our daughter's room, and little comments were made about what each person was planning for our Family Christmas program.  Everyone was excited and our focus was on Christ!--My heart smiled!
The days continued to race by and Christmas eve arrived. We all got dressed and ready for our church's candlelight service.  It was a wonderful service and we left with our hearts glowing.  When we came home I fixed dinner and then we began our Family Christmas Program.  As it turned out, each person had actually taken time to prepare 2 things to share, with the exception of Jim who had chosen a rather lengthly story as his one share.  Grandma started us off by reading a passage of scripture she'd prepared.  EmmaMae followed by singing one of the songs she'd been practicing.  We all took turns until finally Jim read us the story he'd picked out.  After everyone had their turn we finished out the evening singing old Christmas hymns together.  That night I tucked Emm into bed while she chatted about the evening and shared her giddy excitement for the next day and my heart was full.  Our Christmas was all about Christ--the way it should be.
Christmas day came and we managed to make it last all day long.  We opened stocking gifts in the morning (Yes, God somehow stretched Jim's & my $10 apiece so that we were even able to buy stocking gifts for everyone in addition to our actual gift! - This Christmas felt a little like the familiar story of the loaves & fishes!) We enjoyed our traditional quiche for breakfast.  Jim and Emm spent the late morning enjoying each other's company while playing with the lego set she'd gotten.  We  Skyped with Grandma & Papaw in the early afternoon, enjoyed a tasty meal together for dinner and then finally in the evening sat down together to give our gifts.  We took turns opening one gift at a time.  When all was opened, each of us was holding a little token of love in the gifts we'd been given.  There were no gifts given that we absolutely needed or that we couldn't have lived without, but each one was evidence that we'd paid attention to each other's routines, likes and interests.  God had taken the $10 apiece, had blessed it abundantly and had allowed us all to give from our hearts!  After we'd had the chance to love each other through our gifts I took out a little birthday cake.  I stuck a candle in it, lit it and everyone gathered around to sing Happy Birthday to our King, born as a baby only so he could give his life so that we could be adopted as children of His Father.  Emmerson asked if she could sing one of the songs she'd sang the night before for our program, "Happy Birthday Jesus" then we all sang the traditional Happy Birthday song as a praise and thank you to our Savior.  We finished off the night siting there eating our little piece of cake talking about God's gift to us.
Our hearts were so full that night as we went to bed.  Christmas had been so simple, and yet, so blessed.  As I sit here my heart is overflowing with the truth that this really was the best Christmas ever--but that next year will be too!  I believe every year will continue to be the best Christmas ever as long as we surrender our hearts and lives to our Lord and allow Him to use us for the purpose He has created us for--because every Christmas we celebrate the best gift ever and regardless of circumstance that gift will never change.  We have a God that loved us enough, while sinners, to send His Son to the humbled existence of a human baby, with the sole purpose of dying in our place so that we could become Princes and Princesses of the most High.  That is the best Christmas ever!

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday.  Those two simple words, when put together,  empower quite a range of varying emotions and expectations.  Have you ever spoken with a child a few days before their birthday?  They overflow with excitement for the special day; their minds filled with thoughts of cake, ice cream, gifts, and a day devoted to celebrating their existence.  Many times that same child, already, the day after their birthday is once again counting down the days until his or her next birthday.  To them, a birthday is a day to cherish and be excited about.  A decade or so later, an upcoming birthday becomes a time filled with anticipation of reaching new milestones and celebrating how far you've come with those who love you and are thankful you are you.  Add a couple more decades and some, like me, begin to wonder how in the world my birthdays keep coming so quickly and marveling to myself that I really am halfway through my thirties already!  ( I just need remind myself that my husband just entered his 40's and I feel a little younger again for a little while though.)   A couple more decades from now I'll be anticipating all the new medical testing I will need to tack on to my regular check ups, and a few decades after that and I will be Grandma's age. While she enjoys the love she is given, and all of us showing how thankful we are for her, her take on birthdays is far from the excited 5 year old, who counts down the days until their next birthday.  This year our daughter, EmmaMae reached a milestone.  She'd been promised since she was very young, that as long as she proved herself responsible, for her 11th birthday her birthday would include having her ears pierced.  She was SO excited!!!  Her birthday was a special day and she was excited to celebrate it.  She knew her family was eager to share with her the specialness and excitement of her day, that she was loved, and that we were so very thankful to God for giving her to us.  It was a good day.  Though nervous about how much it would hurt, and despite the fact that the piercing device got jammed on her second ear so she had to sit very still while they fiddled for a seemingly endless 4 minutes to detach it's hold on her ear, once free, she beamed a huge smile while she looked at her reflection in the mirror, dawning her newly pierced ears with shiny little red ruby earrings.  We treated her to her favorite restaurant for dinner (a family tradition) and the next day invited some of her new friends over to enjoy lunch and cake and ice cream and to celebrate our girl with us.  Good memories were made.  She knew she was loved and that we were thankful for her.  We had the opportunity to remind her that God created her for a purpose and every single day is equipping her to be the girl He created her to be and that He designed her, knew her before she was even born and He wanted her to be born.  She's special--Not only to us, but to the creator of the universe.  Her birthday was an all around good thing and I can say she is already looking forward to 12.

Halfway across the world,  our other daughter just reached her 12th birthday.  This year she will enjoy a party, as the orphanage graciously allowed us to sponsor a cake, gift and party for her to be able to celebrate with the other children in the orphanage with her, though she will not know yet it was from us.  While we pray she enjoys the party, we are aware that, to her, a 12th birthday is a day looming with the reminder of a deadline.  The deadline that now that she is twelve, she has less than 2 years to be brought home by a family or she will no longer be eligible to be adopted.  Ever.  Today she knows that in 739 days, if she has not had a family bring her home, she will forever be denied a family of her own to love her and support her and to celebrate with her the day God made her.  My heart breaks for her.  Oh how I wish I could be there now to let her know she is loved and she is special and she has a family!  We do thank God that while we cannot be in China there with her, we know her heavenly Father is with her always and we pray He comforts her.  We also thank Him because while she does not yet know it, we know that she has a family working to bring her home, and we are working hard to bring her home as quickly as we can.  My heart aches for our little girl so many miles away though, that she will not know the love of a family today. She will not hear how thankful we are for her, or how grateful to God we are that He chose to create her and then chose to make us her parents and her family.  My heart cries for the scared and lonely little girl, on her special day who's heart aches to belong and to be loved, our sweet girl who does not have her mom, dad, sister and grandparents to dote over her and remind her how special she is and to remind her that the God of the universe chose her, designed her, loves her and has a unique and special plan designed for her life.

 To our Ella-Mae,

Happy Birthday, our sweet girl. You don't know it yet, but your family has found you. You are no longer alone. We're cheering you on, even though you don't know it. You are loved. You are special. You are precious. The God of all creation chose you and designed you just the way He wanted you to be and has a unique and perfect plan designed for your very special life. You are treasured! I know you feel alone right now, but we love you SO very much! You are found! --Next birthday you will be home. We are so thankful God chose us to be your family!

All our love,
Your family.


I'm sure you already know, but adoption is not an inexpensive endeavor.  We praise God that we know He provides for those who follow Him.  We have reached the next major step of our adoption, finalizing our home study.  Completion of this step includes a payment of $6025.92 by the end of this month.  We are hosting a Yard Sale/ Adoption Fundraiser this Friday and Saturday at 868 Little Valley Rd. Roseburg, OR 97471.  It includes everything from baby and children clothing and furniture to construction materials, household furniture, and more.  Our 11yo was inspired to bake some goodies in hopes of holding a bake-sale at the same time to help bring her sister home so we will have some tasty treats for sale to enjoy while you browse as well.  We invite you to stop by.  All profits go 100% toward bringing our daughter home.  Please drop by and become part of the unique and beautiful story of bringing our daughter home.

Counting My Blessings

When Emmerson was little, and still taking naps, I used to sing the old hymn Count Your Blessings to her when tucking her in.  I sang the same song every afternoon.  That may seem redundant, but she didn't think so and it was important to me to daily remind her to be thankful for what God's given her and to help her have eyes to see both the biggest and the tiniest of His blessings to her.

It has been some time now since Emmerson took regular afternoon naps, but that song is still sung around our house and I find at times I'm humming it to myself.  It is easy to get carried away or bogged down with To-Do Lists that never seem to end, or to become blinded to blessings by focusing on the difficulties of life.  But we have an awesome God that loves us SO much!  He wants us to know and enjoy His blessings--even during those crazy busy and challenging times.

Life around the Reese house right now, while an extremely exciting time,  also seems to be a relentlessly busy time.  Since Jim started his new job, our family has been stretched between at least two different towns, our new town and our old town.  On weeks like this one and the next, we're stretched between a third, as Dad is a yet another town for training.  In addition, the home we're renting in our old town is for sale, and although I believe we've only had around 10-12 viewings in the last year and a half, three of them have taken place in the last 2 weeks.  Oh the joy of those evening calls to inform you someone will be going through your house early the next day and you look around at what appears to be chaos as you've just finished empting every closet in the house so you could organize it to pack! Add the fact that we're still looking for the right place to call home in our new town and that we're not only moving us, but we're also moving Grandma out of her home in Ohio to come join us in Oregon too, all the while, continuing to work meticulously through each step of the adoption to bring home our precious daughter in China, and paying careful attention not to pack away any of the paperwork, photos, etc we need for that.  It is a bit busy around here.

But it's times like this, when I get the phone call for someone to go through the house, that God's put the chorus of that old hymn in my mind.  He gently tugs at my heart to truly see, not the busyness, but the blessings.  He gently, whispers encouragement to my heart,

"Take a deep breath Kassy.  I'm taking care of you.  It'll be OK.  Look.  See.  Count Your Blessings".

In those moments, what do I see?  I can see the big long list of things I need to do, the stuff from the closets lying on the floor.  But more importantly, though easily hidden amongst the To-Do's, I see many, many blessings.

 I see a loving God who has given my husband a great job with hours we'd been praying for, with benefits to not only bless our current family members but that will be especially wonderful to have for Ella-Mae once she joins us.   I see that while we are having to move, and it is tedious, moving is really a blessing.  Though I will always love the ocean, (There is just something about it that is just awing to me, as it paints to me a beautiful picture of our God's power) ever since moving here, my heart has ached for sunshine.  God heard that ache and has blessed us by moving us to a new town with tons more sunshine--but that is still only 45 minutes from the beach.  I see that not only is He moving us, but I see the blessing in His perfect timing.  He picked to move us now.  God made sure to give us this opportunity to find the place that will best suite our entire family--both those who are already here and those who we are working to bring home.  Though it makes life extremely busy at the moment, there wouldn't have been a more perfect time for us to be able to find just the right place to grow our family.  We know to look for a place we can be sure will be good for Grandma, but also a place that will be ready for a new daughter with mild CP and large enough for a family of 5 instead of 3.  I see that after years of missing her and wishing we could see her more,  God has led Grandma out here to join us.  Soon we'll be able to see her all the time!  And I see a precious 11yo little girl, who's heart has yearned for a family for years now and know that a loving God has heard her heart and has led us to bring her home to be our daughter and that it won't be too long before her heart has its home.  Above all, I am reminded that I am an adopted daughter as I see my Savior, willing to die in my place, to pay the penalty I deserved, so that I could be welcomed as His daughter. And finally, I see the blessing of just the simple reminder, in all the other blessings, that God is lovingly guiding and has prepared for us each step of the way, we need only to follow.

So many blessings!

I still have to finish packing the things from the closets I didn't finish packing up last night, before the showing this afternoon, but while Emm and I work together to get that done, we'll share the peace and joy of knowing we have an awesome and loving God who is leading us each step of the way and our hearts will count our many blessings as our hearts and eyes see all He's blessed us with and all His promises to come.  I bet we'll even sing this song while we pack up, looking forward with excited anticipation to moving Grandma here and then shortly thereafter welcoming Ella-Mae home to the place God has perfectly picked out for all of us!

When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done. 

Refrain:
Count your blessings, name them one by one;
Count your blessings, see what God hath done;
Count your blessings, name them one by one;
Count your many blessings, see what God hath done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, ev'ry doubt will fly,
And you will be singing as the days go by. [Refrain]

When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;
Count your many blessings, money cannot buy
Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high. [Refrain]

So, amid the conflict, whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged, God is over all;
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey's end. [Refrain]

Sweet Surrender and an Awesome God.

I don't know about you, but more times than not, in my life, God doesn't let me see "the big picture."  He usually saves that view for Himself. He doesn't allow me to see how everything works out in the end, instead He asks me to trust Him as He shapes and molds me one step at a time.  Sometimes it almost drives me crazy--I'm a planner.  I love to organize things, make charts and checklists, timelines and To-Do Lists.  I love the feeling of accomplishment when I cross that line through a completed item on my checklist.  I love seeing the big picture and seeing each individual step of the goal written in ink for me to tackle, one at a time.  It goes against everything I am to set aside my lists and my calendar and relinquish my grip on the master plan.  That said, oh how I love that relinquishing my plan is exactly what God asks me to do.  Those moments, after I've chosen to surrender to Him everything I am, all my plans and hopes and dreams and have walked a ways down the path of unknown, hand in hand with Him, when He reveals to me the goal for which I've been working is . . . honestly,  I don't know words that could adequately describe everything those moments hold.  It is as if I am standing at the summit of a mountain looking back on the last many months, sometimes years of my life and He allows me to see how that path has purposefully led me to the place I am standing at that very moment.  In those moments, He wraps His arms around me and gives me the deepest most heartfelt hug I could ever be given and He says to me, "Aren't you glad you trusted me.  Do you see what a beautiful thing I am going with your life."  In that moment His loves surrounds me, warming me, to the inner most of my being, with love for the One who first loved me.  

 In those moments I feel loved to the deepest core of my being.  I get to see, in a tangible way the loving acts of my Lord toward me and how He has been, piece by piece, day by day, faithfully working in and through me, toward good.  I'm not only loved, but there are few times in my life I could say I feel such purpose than those moments that God unveils that snippet of His completed portion of His plan for my life.  To know that, day in and day out, He has been faithfully working His plan in and through my life.  He has uniquely and wonderfully designed for me to be part of something amazing and beautiful!  In those moments I am also filled to overflowing with awe, by the overwhelmingly loving reminder that I am loved by the King of Kings, the Creator of all the things, the One who holds the entire universe together.  He is awesome and He wants me to be part of His plan!  I am important to Him--So important in fact that day in and day out He has been faithfully working His plan in and through my life.  Regardless of my resistance, despite my mistakes, He keeps plugging away, never quitting, never giving up, just lovingly molding and carving me for His calling.

Half a decade ago God led me through one of the most difficult times of my life.  During that time, the truth I clung to was "God is bigger."  No matter what I was facing, when phrased as a question, the only truthful answer was always, God's bigger. Q: "What if . . .?"  A: If  . . . , God is bigger and He will lead me through.  Q:Well, what if  . . . . happens?  A:  If it does, God is bigger, He'll see me through.  He's always big enough, no matter what we face.  That was a scary time in my life.  I don't know of another time in my life that I was made so aware of the fact that the battle was bigger than me.  Left to face the conflict on my own, it was sure defeat.  But with God fighting the battle, it was a sure victory.   Over 6 years later, guess what?  He's still bigger!  While God is doing a TON in and through our lives right now, I praise Him that we are resting in His peace.  But even when out of battle, the truth remains the same, He is bigger.  With peace in hand however, a different concept of "bigger" settles in my mind.  Yes, He is bigger than my battles, but He is also bigger and more amazing that my human mind can even begin to fathom.  He is so big that He has the ability to orchestrate the happenings past, present, and future of the entire world!  He is an awesome God that is so big  He does not exist, bound by limits, as we do.  It is this truth which He has demonstrated recently in our lives.

Before Jim and I married, we talked about a ton of things.  Among those things was our desire for Jim to not only act as Emmerson's dad, but for him to legally become her Dad, by adopting her.  Second was the idea of further adding to our family through adoption.  

After we'd been married a while and had already submitted paperwork and were well into the process of completing a step-parent adoption for Jim to adopt Emmerson, we began to look into adopting another child.  After doing some research we came to the surprising realization that Emmerson, if an orphan in China, would have been on the special needs adoption list. For both Jim and I , that realization cemented in our hearts God's leading to adopt a special needs child.  God had laid children from China on our hearts especially, so after even more praying and talking with other families who have adopted and several email chats with adoption agencies we made the decision to pursue adopting a daughter from China, with special needs, between the ages of NB-6yo.  And so began the process of investigating adoption agencies, and looking through hundreds of photos of the sweet children on the Waiting Children List.

It was about this same time God began a quiet stirring in my heart.  The prodding was a gentle but firm call toward a ministry, toward serving Him by serving others somehow.  My heart met His nudging and I began praying earnestly about what and where He'd planned for me to serve.  A need arose in our church for a substitute praise and worship leader on Sunday mornings of which I was asked to fill. It had been a long time since I played for church and I was excited to fill this need.  Shortly earlier God had also led me into the position of director and tutor for a homeschool co-op our family is involved with and I was still in the process of learning exactly what that role looked like and how God intended to use me in that position.  God blessed both roles, however he made it clear to my heart that neither were the ministry He was preparing me for.  This ministry was going to be different than anything I’d ever done before--Something new.  He continued to nudge and again my heart answered Him.  This time though, He met my heart with a question.  “Would you be willing to give up your most precious hopes and dreams in order to do what I ask you to do?”  I can say there have been many times in my life, my heart would have been ready to answer with a willing answer of surrender.  At that moment however, the question took me by surprise and my heart struggled to answer.  I wanted to be willing to abandon everything.  After all, the One asking the question was the One who had sacrificed His everything for me.  I wanted to say “yes”, and yet instead my heart filled with tears and fear gripped me.  My heart knew the instant the question was asked, there were two specific things to which that question was being directed.  Two things of which, I really didn’t want to give up.  The first was a question of just plain sacrifice of what I was used to, my routines, my “normal.” Would I be willing to relinquish all the things I’ve come to see as “normal” for our family.  Would I love Him still, just as much, if life as I knew it completely changed?  What if we couldn’t do the things we enjoy doing or if all the goals we’ve set as a family were never met.  Would I still love and trust Him?  The second was directed toward adoption.  Since the time I was a little girl, younger than Emmerson, God has placed a burden on my heart for orphans.  I began my first real job at the age of 15 and with it I first made the monthly commitment of sponsoring a needy child.  Growing up, I constantly shared my conviction that I believed God was leading me to adopt someday.  Now I was married to a wonderful man whom God had separately placed in his heart the openness and desire to pursue adding to our family through adoption.  Emmerson also shares our heart for orphans.  We’d felt His leading us.  It just made sense that God would fulfill the burden He’d placed in our hearts, right?  Now was the time, we'd started the process.  Or was it?  It wouldn’t make sense for Him to lead us to this place and then turn us around in the opposite direction.  God's ways, I've learned, don't always make sense to me, and at that moment, instead of showing me how He planned to satisfy the burden, He was asking me if I loved and trusted Him enough to willingly allow that burden to go unsatisfied. It was just a question, not a request, I hadn’t felt Him telling me we weren’t supposed to adopt someday, nor that He was about to flip my world upside down, but rather, this was a call to be willing to let Him have His way no matter what.  I mentioned God often uses songs to speak to my heart.  As His question penetrated my heart the words from a song I had song once while giving my testimony just before Emmerson and I headed to Oregon, flooded my mind.  I listened to the words as my heart began to silently cry out to my God.  "Oh God, I don't want to give up those things, but help me to be willing to if that is what You want."

Even while my heart was crying, I knew what my answer would be.  He’d already shown me He is and always will be bigger than my pains or my fears and that He alone will always be enough to satisfy my heart. Even so, my loving and gracious Father allowed me a time to grieve over the those things, while daily, faithfully,  He lovingly carved and molded the inner most parts of my heart, little by little, until my heart, though it still yearned for those things, was ready and truly excited to sincerely answer His question, without any hesitation or holding back, with a whole hearted,  “Yes.”   I would.  When the moment of surrender came and I let go of any grip I'd taken on those things I was filled with that overwhelming joy and peace that only He can give.  I was ready and filled with anticipation to leave those things at His feet, to fulfill them or to leave them, but to follow Him where He would lead and toward this ministry for which He was calling and preparing me.  Amen.  So be it.  Come what may.  At that moment the words from that song again flooded me as my heart sang it to my King.

"Can't Live A Day" - by Avalon

I could live life alone

And never fill the longings of my heart

The healing warmth of someone's arms

And I could live without dreams

And never know the thrill of what could be

With every star so far and out of reach

I could live without many things

And I could carry on, but...

[Chorus:]

I couldn't face my life tomorrow

Without Your hope in my heart I know

I can't live a day without You

Lord, there's no night and there's no morning

Without Your loving arms to hold me

You're the heartbeat of all I do

I can't live a day without You

I could travel the world

See all the wonders beautiful and new

They'd only make me think of You

And I could have all life offers

Riches that were far beyond compare

To grant my every wish without a care

Oh, I could do anything, oh yes

But if You weren't in it all...

I couldn't face my life tomorrow

Without your hope in my heart I know

I can't live a day without You

Lord, there's no night and there's no morning

Without Your loving arms to hold me

You're the heartbeat of all I do

I can't live a day without You

Oh, Jesus, I live because You live

You're like the air I breathe

Oh, Jesus, I have because You give

You're everything to me

I couldn't face my life tomorrow

Without your hope in my heart I know

I can't live a day without You

Lord, there's no night and there's no morning

Without Your loving arms to hold me

You're the heartbeat of all I do

I can't live a day without You

I couldn't face my life tomorrow

Without your hope in my heart I know

I can't live a day without You

Lord, there's no night and there's no morning

Without Your loving arms to hold me

You're the heartbeat of all I do

I can't live a day without You

We continued scrolling through the Waiting Children list, as even after His question, God had not lessened our burden for orphans or adoption.  Emmerson enjoyed looking over them too, so her and I had begun a new routine of pulling up the list of Waiting Children and praying over a couple of pages each day.  We’d been doing this for a while when we came across a photo of a very special girl.  Immediately upon seeing her photo, both Emmerson and I felt God telling us to stop everything and begin praying about her. This beautiful little girl, Poppy, was 11 yo, well beyond the ages Jim and I had considered when we were praying about adoption.  We'd felt it very important to adopt within birth order, but God laid a firm grip on our hearts for this girl.  I felt God burdening me to pray about whether or not we were supposed to bring her home, regardless of her age.  The burden God placed on our hearts for her was undeniable so when Jim came home I shared her photo with him and our entire family began praying for her.  After a time of praying God gave us a peace that we were not the forever family He had chosen for this special little girl, so with clarity we began praying anew for her,  this time for her forever family to bring her home.  It was only a couple of weeks later, I logged onto FB and saw a "faith friend" of mine had a new post in her blog.  "Faith friend" is my term for the people God brings into my life, that I just bond with because of a shared love for our Savior.  Truth is we'd never actually met in person, but had been introduced through a mutual friend on FB and for the last couple years just read each others posts and bonded through mutual faith in an awesome God.  I clicked on the link and began reading her latest entry.  By the time I made it it halfway through, tears were pouring down my face so quickly I could barely see.  I ran to get Emmerson to share with her what I had just read.  In her blog, my friend had shared God's stirring in their family to adopt again.  This time, an 11yo girl from China.  When we were praying for Poppy's forever family, we had been praying for our friends!  Oh the joy that filled my heart--They were Poppy's family!  I wouldn't have been surprised if the entire state of Oregon on up into WA, where they live, didn't feel the wave of joy  and excitement that flooded over our family!  What an awesome God we serve!  And then, as if that weren't enough, God orchestrated for their family to end up visiting our neck of the woods, allowing us the opportunity us to meet their family in person.  The kids played together and we shared snippets about our families and the work God was doing in each.  I had the chance to listen to their story of how God led them to Poppy, even though she is older than the children in their family too.  It was a wonderful time of fellowship--I love how strong the bond of Christ is. We were meeting this family for the very first time, and yet it was like we'd been friends forever.  Emmerson and Tirzah, their oldest (at least until Poppy comes home) are now pen-pals.  

His plan and His timing for our friends to find Poppy and for us to meet them were perfectly orchestrated according to His perfect plan and although we didn't know at the time, God would very soon be using that visit to to ease our hearts to trust Him to a similar calling of our own. 

Shortly after my answer of surrender, but before our visit with the Walkers, God began a whirlwind of change in our lives.  Jim and I had been fervently praying over his job.  We were both convicted about the hours it took him away from his family.  It was a good paying job, and we knew it was hard finding work in a small town, but we didn’t have a peace about his staying there.  Our family went on vacation and during that time we felt even deeper the conviction over the hours he was spending away, so while on vacation we made the decision for Jim to begin putting in job applications for another job as soon as we got back home.  God confirmed our decision and in a matter of weeks Jim had been offered a position at the US Post office.  Now he would have a steady job, with good pay and great benefits, that allowed him to be off every Sunday and he'd be away at work only while we were doing school.  It couldn’t have been a clearer answer to all the things we’d been praying about. The only catch was that the new job required another move--we were actually moving to the town we’d just vacationed.  I love how God does little things like that. He is a great big God that cares about even the tiniest of details.

With all the upcoming changes we knew were about to happen in our lives, adoption was kinda put on the back burner.  We continued to scroll through the Waiting Children list, but considering we'd been doing this for almost 2 years by that point, and with the pending move, neither of us really thought now would be God's timing, but we'd gotten used to praying for the kids each day, so we continued to scroll and pray until God led us to the photo of an older girl.  As soon as we got to her photo Jim told me to stop.  "That's the one.  We need to send an email tonight requesting her file."  For anyone who knows my husband, that is completely out of character!  He is usually the quiet, doesn't say much type.  But I was feeling the same thing.  So we stopped and prayed then read the little bit of information provided about her online and watched her video.  Her online name was Patrice.  She was 11yo, 9.5 months older than Emmerson.  When she was 9 months old, eight days after Emmerson was born, she was abandoned by her parents after being diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy.  My mind was instantly drawn back to our visit with the Walkers.  They, like us, had been convicted to adopt in birth order, but God had led them otherwise.  I realized God had used Poppy and their family to open mine and Jim's hearts to the little girl He had picked out for us.  She didn't fit into the age group we were expecting, but God does wonderfully awesome and beautiful things when we let Him work outside-the-box.

That night we sent an email to the agency with her file.  A few days later we had sent in the necessary paperwork and her file was sent to us.  Jim and I read it together, prayed, spoke with a physician about her medical needs and prayed some more.  When all was said and done we could clearly see that although we were expecting a younger child, God had been faithfully preparing us for this moment--the moment He would reveal our daughter to us.  

Jim and I had decided, before we ever began pursuing adoption that we wanted to choose names with meanings for any children God would bless to our family.  Furthermore, we decided it would be fun to give them all names that began with "E" and if we ended up adopting internationally we felt we wanted to give them a middle name that reflected their birth county.  We have decided to give Patrice the name Ella-Mae as her first name, which means diligent light.  It is our desire to share the love of Christ with her and our prayer that one day soon she will truly be, a diligent light, shining bright for the one, true Light.

Introducing Ella-Mae:

Celebrating her 11th birthday.

This is actually the link to the page we first found her.  http://www.nohandsbutours.com/2014/04/06/find-my-family-patrice/

Here is a video of her.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPDNgN2OEI8&feature=youtu.be

The next few weeks filled with paperwork and passport photos and waiting to hear back about our pre-approval from China.  We received our pre-approval from China Tuesday.  Despite the busyness of the paperwork,  there is a smile deep inside my heart.  I keep thinking about that recent moment of surrender and God's question to me.    Would I be happy if the ministry He’d called me to do changed my life? I’m so glad I said yes!  I didn’t know then, but in recent weeks, God has made it clear that the ministry God was calling me to and the things He’d asked me to entrust to Him were one in the same. My new ministry is our daughter.  There are many more mountains to climb, but today, He has brought me to stand on a summit looking back on the last many months and years God has been faithfully leading to bring me to this point and I see how each step of the way has been purposefully designed to lead me to the place.  Oh how beautiful is His plan!   His plan is SO much better than anything I could come up with!

So, we will keep trusting and choosing to follow one step at a time, even though we don’t know exactly where this journey is going to take us. We know God is good and He is our God and He is leading us and that is enough.  As long as we are following Him, we know beyond shadow of doubt we are exactly where we want to be.

I think the lyrics from the 2nd verse of Steven Curtis Chapman's Song, Glorious Unfolding wraps it up perfectly:

God's plan from the start
For this world and your heart, has been to show His glory and His grace
Forever revealing the depth and the beauty of His unfailing love
And the story has only begun.

And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
We've just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch the glorious unfolding

Pieces.

With a last name like Reese, I really thought I should have no problem coming up with a super cute and catchy play on words to to use for a blog title.  I have a friend who did that with their last name and I just love it!  I desperately wanted a fun play on words, but I also needed it to hold a deeper meaning too.  I brainstormed changing Pieces to Peace-is . . . in an attempt to capture the deeper meaning I was desiring, and though God's peace is a truth in our lives and a wonderful one at that, I just didn't feel it was the deeper meaning I was being burdened to share.  Frustrated by my lack of creativity, I finally succumb to the defeat of having no deeper meaning and just using the obvious Reese's candy idea, titled the blog.  I pushed my computer forward a bit, signifying my surrender, and allowed my brain to begin processing which of the other million things on my "To-Do" list I should set out to accomplish next.   Should I start working on the paperwork for this, the email for that, the errand to get this, or should I start looking for the packed away something I was needing to find . . .  As I sat there, exhausted from losing my battle with creativity, sorting through the list of to-do's in my mind, instead of figuring out what to do next, my thoughts shifted to ponder the realization that so many of my to-do's were intertwined with each other.  I needed to find something, so I could use that something to do something else, so we could use that something else to do yet another something, so that we could use that to fill out something else, and on and on.  Each one of my to-do's were really just a piece of something larger.  Each one left to itself had no great significance and really wouldn't matter if I did it or not, but when put together, each of those little pieces amounted to the possibility of accomplishing something much bigger.  It was at that moment that I realized my little candy-associated title was actually going to work after all.  I won't be able to take any credit for creativity, but written without my realizing, was the deeper meaning I was seeking to share! --Just like all the individual pieces of my "To-Do" list, our family is made up of many pieces, and each person in our family is made up of pieces.  Just as I am in charge of working with the pieces of my "To-Do" List to make sure the larger goal is accomplished, God has put Himself in charge of paying attention to our family and each and every one of our pieces.  Left to ourselves, our family and each of us in our family are just pieces.  But when we surrender all our pieces to God, and willfully place all our pieces in His hands, He faithfully and lovingly works with each one of those pieces, both great and small, tweaking them, re-shaping and molding them, replacing them and adding to them in order to accomplish an awesome plan.  He is using all our pieces to make something beautiful!  

This is our family’s story of the beauty God creates when we willfully and intentionally place all our pieces in His hands.